Lesbian and Gay Wedding Bells in San Francisco note: ( marriage described below was voided along with the 4,000 or more marriages Spring of 2005 by California Supreme Court)
by Sharon Raphael
On February 15, 2004, my partner of 33 years, Mina Meyer and I were married in the
historic chambers of The Board of Supervisors at City Hall in San Francisco. We were
pronounced “Spouses for Life” by Supervisor Bevan Dufty, the Supervisor who
is now sitting in the former seat of the first Gay Supervisor Harvey Milk and present U.S.
Senator Diane Feinstein. Two days earlier, Mina and I had received several phone calls
from friends who were waiting in the long lines in front of SF City Hall to be married.
It had not dawned on us until after the phone calls that the two of us, residents of Long
Beach, Ca. could join the lines to get married like our friends were doing.
That Sunday we boarded a plane around 7 am with two friends of ours who also wanted to
to get married and headed for the City by the Bay. We landed in Oakland, got in a taxi and
sped to our destination, the grounds of SF City Hall where a long line had already formed.
There were all kind of gay couples in line, those with small children, some with infants, some
who were disabled, some were older couples, some younger couples, mixed race
couples, couple of all races and and many ethnicities. When it rained briefly, some people
got their umbrellas out or dashed to their cars for raingear if they happened to be parked
close by.
People were friendly and as we waited in line, it became obvious to all involved that
not every one could be married that day. People who already had been given tickets
from the day before were told to go in one line and those of us without tickets were
in another line that wound toward the back door of City Hall. Several times the people
in line were told that most of us would not be able to get in to be married that day and
our spirits sank and our hopes kept going up and down depending on how we felt about
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our places in line. Eventually large numbers left the line giving us a chance to move up the
line. Suddenly around 3 pm in the afternoon the Mayor’s liaison came out and told
people where we stood that up to a certain person in line, the woman with the flowered
hat, that we would be married today. Those of us who were standing in front of her
cheered. Those behind her in line who did not make it were upset . They were told to
come back the next day. We had been there most of the day waiting for the great
moment to happen. We heard those who had been denied entrance arguing politely as
we climbed the steps and began to enter the palatial building. Once inside we were
warmly greeted by the staff and slowly wended our way to different offices where we filled
out forms and then gave further information which then was entered by an industrious clerk
into the computers.
People working at City Hall on this Sunday were volunteering their time, unpaid, to come in
on their day off to help. Many of the staff told us they had been married on Friday
and were more than willing and delighted to help us but you could tell they were getting
exhausted from their extraordinary efforts. At this writing, over 3500 couples (3/1/04)
have been married in City Hall in SF.
After all the paperwork was completed and checked several times, Mina and I were
escorted into the main room. Set in the middle of the room was a foyer with a grand
staircase where six couples were being married by various volunteers who had the
right to marry people. We were told we could choose a volunteer who would marry us.
While deciding, the person in charge, asked us and our two friends, if we would like
to have our marriage filmed by a local news crew from CBS. We were told a member
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of The Board of Supervisors, Bevan Dufty, would marry us in the Chambers of The Board
Supervisors. We agreed and were escorted to the Chambers. It was a very lovely
ceremony lasting about six minutes and the Supervisor who is an “out” Gay person
spoke of the importance of our commitment and love and had us exhange our vows and
rings. After congratulations were said by all around us, Mina and I found ourselves to be
the last two people leaving the building. When we walked outside, the people standing
below cheered. It was quite exhilarating. We were the last in the group to be married that
day. Of course, the marriage procession continues on in SF and other various cities and
towns across the country. We are proud to be among the first group of Lesbians and Gays
to be legally married in a civil ceremony in this country. The legality of our marriage is being
contested along with all the other marriages performed but for now our marriage stands as a
testament to the wisdom and courage of Kevin Newsom, The Mayor of San Francisco,
and his supporters who stand with him in this incredibly important stand for equal rights.
Since Mina and I have lived together for 33 years, this marriage does not change our
feelings for each other or the way we are living our lives but it has boosted our morale a lot.
Well wishers from everywhere seem to be contacting us every day. We are hoping that
our marriage remains legal because if it does the legality of marriage can have an enormous
positive impact on our security in later life. There are many advantages to marriage that are
denied non-married people. To find out more about why legal marriage is important for
Lesbian and Gay people, see the following.
Did you know that there are 1,047 laws that favor heterosexually married couples that Lesbian and Gay couples are denied? For information, go to www.gay-civil-union.com/HTM./Why Make It Legal. htm.
Sharon Raphael is a Professor of Sociology and Coordinator of the Master’s Degree BSGP Option in Gerontology which will moved to the new College of Health and Human Services Fall, 2004. Sharon and her spouse, Mina Meyer, have been activists in the Los
Angeles Lesbian and Gay Movement since 1971. Both have conducted research and published extensively on the topic of Lesbian and Gay aging.
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