A friend asked me if I was going to talk on my Blog about my own experience of growing older. I could write about my retirement; although I don’t feel fully retired yet . I am what is called a FERPer or soon to be one, a term created by the State University system where I work. FERP means faculty early retirement program and allows its beneficiaries to continue to teach or in some cases administrate at half time hours or less.
Although I could have retired last June, I waited until Jan. 1 when extended domestic partnership benefits were put into effect by the California legislature. This basically means that if I were to die, my life partner would be able to receive my benefits from my work as a college professor. Since it is a state policy, federal benefits such as social security still are out of reach for even “married” same sex partners. Of course, at this point only Massachussets grants marriage to same sex partners. I spent spring semester and this summer not teaching and it felt very good but now have to gear up to teach two courses in the Fall and who knows what else. It seems the school officials expect more of FERPers than I ever realized. This presents a problem with expectations, my own and others.
I thought I was almost retired and acted retired over all these months. People think I am fully retired as the word FERPing is hard to explain and I haven't started to actually do the FERPing yet. It gets very confusing. There is a good economic reason to ferp. You get your retirement and you also get paid for the time you work. It is a good deal but the psychological aspects of it are demanding. It will be interesting to see how I handle the real thing. I did start this Blog during the time I was not working so I do have something to show for my time at home. I also did an important book review on Lesbian and Gay Aging Research published in The Haworth Press Journal of Gerontological Social Work.
My health at 64 seems good, although I am significantly overweight. I have no disabilities but am constantly aware that I need to keep making changes in my eating habits and that I need to do better at creating some kind of routine around exercise. I am diabetic (what would once have been described as pre-diabetic) but am able to maintain normal figures when tested by having made changes in my intake of sugar. For instance, I use Splenda when I need a sweetener for cereal and similar foods and only drink diet drinks and when I need my dark chocolate fix only use the kind that have no sugar, although I must admit it does not taste the same, it does come close enough to letting me think it is the same. It is obvious I could have made better decisions when I was younger, more exercise routines and less food. My Doc says that the weight gain is mostly a result of not eating too much when I was younger as I never ate that much but a result of a lowered metabolic rate that required less and less eating and more exercise as one becomes older which I failed to do on a routine basis. I do not take insulin or oral pills only use food control and exercise occasionally to keep the blood sugar levels in check.
I have a treadmill and do walk in my neighborhood but did a lot more walking (daily) when my dog was still alive. I have not gotten another dog companion or cat friend because my life partner is terribly allergic to both. I have gotten into bird watching in a bigger way than before. That helps me satisfy my constant need to observe nature and the animal world.
I am also very sensitive to caffeine. I become very hyper with even the smallest amounts of caffeine, even too much decaffeinated coffee makes me go off so I relegate myself to one cup of de-caffeinated coffee in the morning and that is it. I avoid anything else with caffeine that I know about. The very occasional times when I am out and want a coke or pepsi I ask for the kind without sugar or caffeine. It is hard to find but will soon be available in more places I am sure. I not only become hyper with caffeine, I also urinate constantly as a result and generally feel crazy as a loon. Oftentimes I thought something was terribly wrong wlth me after drinking one can of a caffeinated soda even at lunchtime and by late evening I become very uncomfortable forgetting that I ever had the terrible drink earlier in the day. It happened enough times to make me realize not to ever drink anything with large doses of caffeine in it and I think that even includes the dark chocolate without sugar except in very small quantities. It is possible the dark chocolate also contains some kind of diarrhetic that also makes me feel sick too. So I am out of luck there and am just realizing that can be a problem too.
And so it goes. I can’t say all this happened at the age of 64 but whatever is happening sure got accelerated at this age. My Lesbian partner who is only 13 months older than me has many more health problems than I do. Recently she lost her ability to drive a car because of neuropathy in her feet (diabetes related) which has affected me greatly as I have had freeway phobia for many years and she was my ticket to going long distances. She is learning to drive with hand controls and we are both anxiously hoping she will be able to master the intricacies of doing that. I have been trying to be supportive as I can as driving was something she loved to do and the loss of that freedom, even if only temporary, is a big blow to her self esteem. We are having to change roles with me being in charge of driving and her trying to be the passive passenger and often failing at that as she has been telling me what short cuts to take and things to look out for on the road. It seems like this situation has created an instant old age for both of us by limiting where we can go and who we can see. I suppose I should berate myself for not fighting my fears of driving on freeways but I will leave that to others to think as they will. I have come to accept my limitations and my strengths too. Meanwhile, I plan to stay optimistic and will continue to figure out creative ways to mount the obstacles that come our way. Perhaps, I am kidding myself.
I know as Lesbians we have been good at surmounting obstacles that came earlier in life such as the withdrawal of support from straight family members. When this occured, we sucessfully turned to the Lesbian and the Gay community or to feminist friends and always found a way through the maze.
More later.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Growing Old Lesbian
I was asked to write about a subgroup of Lesbians who until relatively recently have been mostly invisible not only to the public in general but also to many younger Lesbians. Lesbians over the age of 65 comprise a misunderstood but important subgroup that should be understood by Lesbians and Gay people as a whole and anyone interested in human diversity or gerontology. The first question I have been asked by people when the topic of old Lesbians comes up is “Don’t Lesbians age the same way as everyone else? and then comes the statement “Why should we pick this group out to discuss or study? I used to get the same response when I taught course content on African American Aging or Mexican American aging.
The answer is that how we are raised and the way we grow up has an impact on how we deal with the reality of aging down the road. Successful aging is highly correlated with ability to adapt and our own perception of reality which in turn is affected and can be influenced by factors i.e. ethnicity, race, gender and also sexual orientation among other factors i.e.class and education. Group members who have been subjected to institutionalized discrimination and prejudice because they belong to a certain group or collective subgroup often are shown to have unequal access to areas important to their well being i.e. access to health care and support systems that may make growing older less difficult. It has been discovered that older Lesbians who “come out” with family and friends early in life have an easier time finding support and solving problems that require emotional and other kinds of support that they might require later in life. Checkout (http://www.fsw.ucalgary.ca/ramsay/gay-lesbian-bisexual/6m-elderly-gay-bibliography.htm)
If we assume that Lesbians comprise about 5% of the general population which in 2005 is almost 300 million people then that would mean there are about 15 million Lesbians in the United States. See website at (http://sfpl4.sfpl.org/librarylocations/main/glc glbtdemo2.htm). If we use ten per cent of that figure to estimate how many old lesbians there are which is a conservative figure than we come up with a figure of 1.5 million Lesbians over the age of 65 years in the United States. If there are any demographers or statisticians out there I would be interested in the estimates others would have for this same group. My guess is probably not that far off given a few hundred thousand people one way or the other. The point is there are a considerable number of Lesbians over the age of 65 and this group needs to be included in the U.S. census and when researchers are studying or considering old age statistics. We also need to consider that aging is not a static phenomenon therefore we would should know that if history is used as a factor in understanding this group of individuals that millions and millions of us old Lesbians have lived and gone from this planet over the years.
The truth is that many younger lesbians do not think about aging very much in the same way that younger heterosexual persons do not think about aging or old age until it comes suddenly upon them impacting their lives. Since the late eighties a very active group of old lesbians have formed an organization titled Old Lesbians Organizing for Change (OLOC). This organization has as its mission the goal of combating ageism and homophobia within the Gay community itself and also in the larger society at large. To be a member, one has to be a lesbian over the age of 6o, although younger women can join but not vote and act as supporters of the organization rather than members. There also are many groups across the country comprised of older Lesbians or middle aged and older lesbians which meet at Gay Centers and in other settings i.e. people’s homes and public places that will accommodate these groups geared to support older Lesbians by offering a meeting place where the women can socialize, have discussions, and generally have a good time. For more information on groups that serve older lesbians, old and one would have to go to a directory of Lesbians and Gay groups in their city, town or area of the country or peruse the local Lesbian newsletter, newspaper or magazine by contacting Gay Centers and GLBT information and referral networks i.e. a Gay Yellow Pages or Lesbian online sites i.e. Classic Dykes or Lesbian Connection.
In the future, I will approach this topic, the old and older Lesbian from different angles and begin to tell the tale of my involvement with what I would call the movement of active older Lesbians that is a part of Lesbian life that many should know about but are often quite ignorant of or choose not to know because of lack of information or basic ageism, a fear of being around people who identify as old or older. I will also discuss the unmet needs and issues confronting the old and older Lesbian.
The answer is that how we are raised and the way we grow up has an impact on how we deal with the reality of aging down the road. Successful aging is highly correlated with ability to adapt and our own perception of reality which in turn is affected and can be influenced by factors i.e. ethnicity, race, gender and also sexual orientation among other factors i.e.class and education. Group members who have been subjected to institutionalized discrimination and prejudice because they belong to a certain group or collective subgroup often are shown to have unequal access to areas important to their well being i.e. access to health care and support systems that may make growing older less difficult. It has been discovered that older Lesbians who “come out” with family and friends early in life have an easier time finding support and solving problems that require emotional and other kinds of support that they might require later in life. Checkout (http://www.fsw.ucalgary.ca/ramsay/gay-lesbian-bisexual/6m-elderly-gay-bibliography.htm)
If we assume that Lesbians comprise about 5% of the general population which in 2005 is almost 300 million people then that would mean there are about 15 million Lesbians in the United States. See website at (http://sfpl4.sfpl.org/librarylocations/main/glc glbtdemo2.htm). If we use ten per cent of that figure to estimate how many old lesbians there are which is a conservative figure than we come up with a figure of 1.5 million Lesbians over the age of 65 years in the United States. If there are any demographers or statisticians out there I would be interested in the estimates others would have for this same group. My guess is probably not that far off given a few hundred thousand people one way or the other. The point is there are a considerable number of Lesbians over the age of 65 and this group needs to be included in the U.S. census and when researchers are studying or considering old age statistics. We also need to consider that aging is not a static phenomenon therefore we would should know that if history is used as a factor in understanding this group of individuals that millions and millions of us old Lesbians have lived and gone from this planet over the years.
The truth is that many younger lesbians do not think about aging very much in the same way that younger heterosexual persons do not think about aging or old age until it comes suddenly upon them impacting their lives. Since the late eighties a very active group of old lesbians have formed an organization titled Old Lesbians Organizing for Change (OLOC). This organization has as its mission the goal of combating ageism and homophobia within the Gay community itself and also in the larger society at large. To be a member, one has to be a lesbian over the age of 6o, although younger women can join but not vote and act as supporters of the organization rather than members. There also are many groups across the country comprised of older Lesbians or middle aged and older lesbians which meet at Gay Centers and in other settings i.e. people’s homes and public places that will accommodate these groups geared to support older Lesbians by offering a meeting place where the women can socialize, have discussions, and generally have a good time. For more information on groups that serve older lesbians, old and one would have to go to a directory of Lesbians and Gay groups in their city, town or area of the country or peruse the local Lesbian newsletter, newspaper or magazine by contacting Gay Centers and GLBT information and referral networks i.e. a Gay Yellow Pages or Lesbian online sites i.e. Classic Dykes or Lesbian Connection.
In the future, I will approach this topic, the old and older Lesbian from different angles and begin to tell the tale of my involvement with what I would call the movement of active older Lesbians that is a part of Lesbian life that many should know about but are often quite ignorant of or choose not to know because of lack of information or basic ageism, a fear of being around people who identify as old or older. I will also discuss the unmet needs and issues confronting the old and older Lesbian.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
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capt.catjs14006132333.michael_jackson_catjs140
Originally uploaded by sm1raphael.
AP Photo: Michael Jackson waves as he leaves court, Monday, June 13, 2005, in Santa Maria, Calif....
Michael Jackson Verdict
I just heard the not guilty verdicts in the Michael Jackson case and I was glad to know the circus is finally over. The prosecutor obviously had no credible case. Many including a NYTimes article agreed the jurors were pro-prosecution types and even they couldn't find him guilty on any count. I remember going out to dinner with a couple, both of them saying how much they thought Michael Jackson should be found guilty based on their perception of how weird he is or that is what it seemed they were saying. That kind of thinking has been a big part of this case and also that Michael Jackson admitted sleeping with little boys and reported that he thinks doing that is fine (loose interpretation). He just sleeps with them or near them according to what he said on the Bashir tapes. I don't known what really happens in his bed, but I do think this trial was a farce and represented an overzealous prosecution that also likes to stir up things based on rumor, the testimony of obviously bad witnesses and prejudice. I never heard once that Jackson was accused of anything really that horrible, minor lewd conduct at the least and if found guilty of that he would have gone away for a long time. I don't think people should be convicted for being weird.
There is another side to this story. Michael Jackson had superb lawyers and the money to buy the loyalty of certain witnesses.
And I do remember feeling in the O. J. case that I felt the case was badly mishandled by the police but that O.J. was definitely guilty. I wondered why I had been so elated when the jurors found O.J. not guilty. I thought it was a victory against corruption in the police and prosecution community. Looking back, I felt the public won and lost on that one. But the Michael Jackson case goes to show that juries will see through false charges and that it is unethical to attempt to find a suspected person guilty based on made up or doctored evidence.
It will be interesting to see what the jury members who tried the case have to say.
There is another side to this story. Michael Jackson had superb lawyers and the money to buy the loyalty of certain witnesses.
And I do remember feeling in the O. J. case that I felt the case was badly mishandled by the police but that O.J. was definitely guilty. I wondered why I had been so elated when the jurors found O.J. not guilty. I thought it was a victory against corruption in the police and prosecution community. Looking back, I felt the public won and lost on that one. But the Michael Jackson case goes to show that juries will see through false charges and that it is unethical to attempt to find a suspected person guilty based on made up or doctored evidence.
It will be interesting to see what the jury members who tried the case have to say.
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